24/7 Costume Party

I have always been a fashion fanatic. What can I say, when it comes down to female stereotypes I am the prime example of us devouring fashion magazines. I am currently in love with the leather and lace trend going on right now, and the emergence of solid colors. I am a fan of the black, white, red combination. It's classic and every girl can pull it off which is a phrase that can't be uttered for most of the fashion trends that come and go. I digress...
One thing I am not a fan of is the sudden pop of odd and abstract shapes and colors for clothing. A bright yellow shirt with a dark orange skirt and some sort of high topped, high-heeled shoe? I'm confused. When was it decided that we should put girls in these crazy contraptions? And who made this decision so I know who to banish to the Russian wastelands? Don't believe? I dare you to go flipping through the photo shoots in Vogue, Teen Vogue, Marie Claire, and almost every other fashion magazine lately. Here I'll give you an example:

$50 to the first person who tells me what this is? Anyone? Nobody? Exactly. Never will I wake up and say to myself, "I would look great in hot pink heels with orange socks a peach ruffled skirt and red and white stripped shirt." Why? Because I have this thing called common sense. If I were the fashion directors at these magazines I would go out on the streets and find out what real girls are wearing not guess and hope it comes out good. Only reason why they get away with is because they call it "art" or "free fashion expression." No lets not mistaken these concepts with randomness.

The Freaks come out at Night

Do you remember when Madonna first showed up? Well I wont blame you if you don't, I wasn't even alive then. But still, remember? She was courageous! Pushing the envelope! Knowing no boundaries, obeying by no laws! Then....things got weird and eventually people where like, "Woah Madonna, easy with the leather and the sex and the Madonna-ness." Truth is people love boundary pushers. It's "art". But when you're being weird just to be weird people remember you less for your music and more for your crazy shenanigans. You're no longer a musical genius, just a crazy person who used to sing songs. Seems like everyone is going down that road. And who do we blame? Mother Monster herself, Lady Gaga. She was good in "Just Dance", better in "Beautiful Dirty Rich", but by "Paparazzi" it was bats in the belfry. I mean, wow! That video! Insanity. It just got weirder and weirder. A meat dress, decapitated Kermit the Frog costume, bubble ensemble, the list is growing. Now we've got good songs and weird videos and those videos ultimately determine how people interpret that song. If people hate the video they'll more that likely be displeased by the song. Prime example: "Alejandro". Creepy video. Almost Nazi like. "Born This Way" was a great song but the video with that birthing scene, kinda turned people off. And now we have "Judas". Weird song, weird video. I'm not that religious but even I was uncomfortable watching/listening to that. Even Ozzy Osborne told her to calm down, and he's the Prince of Darkness. Never let the weird over-shadow your music. More importantly don't call it art because you know you'll get away with it like that. It's not really art, it's more like avant gardes shunned second cousin.

Someone fire the Robot DJ

I know I usually write about  movies or TV shows but this one goes out to all the angry music lovers out there. Am I the only one having an I,Robot moment? Where robots have taken over the music planet and we are now being forced to listen to what sounds like two machines getting their grove on. That's what it sounds like! Two robots diddeling each other. Perverted. They shuffle, they Cat Daddy, they Douggie, all to this music. A bunch of  beeps and techno beats. Three minutes of lyrics that make no sense or no lyrics at all. The only safe middle ground is the Black Eyed Peas that mix music and techno with actual lyrics to create a safe environment for us non-shuffling folk. I miss the sound of guitars and drums. I miss the booming of bass pedals. I understand that hip-hop has always been somewhat electronic, I get that. But I miss the real stuff. I'm sorry but robot copulation doesn't please me. Tone it down. Don't destroy it, just take it down a notch. Mix your roots in. I don't like the whole "Hip-Hop is dead" concept so breathe life back into it please. Because this is touching Rock & Roll. The Limousines sang, "They trade those guitars in for drum machines and disco balls." Disco = Techno. That's where they get their whole concept from. Same concept different name. But they also sang, "Did you hear what they said? That rock and roll is dead? Yeah it's like a zombie it will dig itself back up again." I have no fear that rock & roll will live on. But hip-hop, not so much. It's dying. Ask anyone. It's like the masses wanted a 2.0 upgrade and now its coming back to bite them in the rear end. So fire the DJ, remove the dirty robot noises, and bring me back the glory days.

Cue the Flashback....

I want my, I want my, I want my MTV....and Hey Arnold!....and Lizzie Mcguire......and Power Rangers. You know what I don't want? The remakes. I wont even touch the remake. Not even for shows, for movies as well. You don't see many TV show remakes, with the exception of 90210 and the failed Melrose Place starring Ashlee Simpson. You do see a lot of good TV shows cancelled and replaced with some meaningless dribble. TRL (Total Request Live) on MTV got cancelled and reality shows took over. TRL was possibly the last musical trace of MTV's epic past and what do we have instead? The Jersey Shore. Thanks MTV, I can rest easy now knowing TRL's grave has been covered in hair gel and self tanner. Pretty much all of Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon has been taken over by cartoons with too many poop jokes and subtle sexual remarks. Oh yeah, I caught on to those alright. I also hate movie remakes. Why must you re-do the really good 80's and 90's  movies and  bleep them up you bleeping bleepers? Remake the bad ones! You know, the ones that sucked so much bleep your eyes started to bleed and you slept with a crucifix under your pillow. Like Gigli or Norbit, something like that. Leave my beloved horror movies alone. It's like watching a child die, your terrible renditions of my favorite movies. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was great, I'll give you that one. But Friday the 13th? A Nightmare on Elm Street? Halloween 1 & 2? Were those necessary? What was wrong with the originals? You have forced me to exhaust my "bleep" machine. Leave my classics alone or bring them back. Just don't white them out and put your own new horrendous spin on them. To be Frank, they're dumb. Frank out.....

Let me see some ID

I told myself I would try and write something good or nice today. I would praise something or give it some kuddos, but then I realized that that's no fun for anyone. No one likes to read 600 words of rainbows and  sunshine. They'll be throwing up sugar and lighting fires for mayhem's sake. I digress....
I am having an age related issue. As in I have an issue with 26-year-olds playing 15-year-olds in high school. Have you seen sophomores lately? They seem to look younger and younger as the years go by. They look like children. That's what they are after all, children. So why am I watching Glee with 29-year-old Cory Monteith playing 16-year-old Finn Hudson. And let's not pull the "But he looks so young" card. Sure he looks young, for a 29-year-old! For a 16-year-old he looks like he's a 5th year senior, like Cam Gigandet in Easy A. Tell me, is it so hard to find actors that are the age of the characters? Have they just become unappealing and you need a 30-year-old  to play your high school student. I suppose I understand why. Adult actors don't  have to go through the restrictions that minor actors do. No schooling or consent to deal with. I get it, it's all for the craft, the fastest and easiest way to do stuff. But honestly if I see another 30 something guy in high school I'm setting my TV on fire. Empty threat? I think not.

Attack of the Clones

There's been a supernatural trend in recent TV shows and movies. It seems  as though  almost everything in Hollywood revolves around ghosts, monsters, demons, or something of the sort. I'm not complaining, that's not it, I love scary movies. But all these demons and Big Bad Boo moments are seriously starting to desensitize the youth of America. Nothing scares us anymore and I can promise you that. It's something I learned in psychology; If you keep exposing someone to the same stimulus over and over again it will start to loose its affect. Have producers and executives run out of things to write about or are they just resting on their laurels? There is a reason why there are so many of these shows. People love the supernatural. It fascinates them. TV producers and executive producers ave found a winning formula. And now they're resting on their laurels and don't want to come up with anything new. I'm having a faint Disney moment. I can't even remember the last time I had a nightmare. What should they do? Two things: 1) Make everything ten times scarier, as in heart attack inducing terror or 2) Come up with something new so you can stop boring viewers. There's also an abundance of law/cop shows. There are about 4 different Law & Orders and every major city seems to have a CSI. Not to mention all the medical shows. Let's name some shall we: Grey's Anatomy,House, Hawthorne, Nurse Jackie, Private Practice, etc. Truth of the matter is I'm bored. I'm going to create CSI: Grey's Ghost. A show about a cop thats married to a doctor and they just so happen to have a kid that sees ghosts. They're going to be solving crimes, saving lives, and trying to cross over ghosts like a big happy family. It make sense if you turn your head and squint your eyes just right. Hopefully peoples will blow up (metaphorically of course) and they'll be forced to make shows and movies about something else.

Look away Billy

I have a problem with censorship. I understand that it's necessary at times but when the phrase, "Look away Billy there are guns on TV," is uttered I feel like shouting anarchy. I feel that censorship was invented for lazy parents who are lacking enough brain cells to actually pay attention to what their children are doing. Do not blame the TV network or Playboy if you caught your son watching porn. Don't try and sue them or censor them or ban them. It's your fault for chatting it up with your third glass of Chardonnay instead of paying attention to young Billy in the living room. Block the channel of you like but don't try and get it covered in giant black censor bars. That would be unfair to the ADULT porn lovers all around the world. Pay attention to your kid. I also don't like it when they try and censor the smallest of things for the stupidest of reasons. For example, cartoon shows like Tom & Jerry. Who didn't love the truly graphic and hilarious shots of Tom getting slammed into by an anvil or an iron or a sliding glass door? Once upon a time we could see Tom flat as a pancake with his front teeth missing. Now have giant signs that say POW! and SLAM! They should just say, "I know you can't see but trust me, it's funny." And why did this happen? Probably because half a million years ago Billy tried to play Tom & Jerry with the neighbor and ended up murdering that sweet old man. Times have changed. Your children aren't stupid. Thanks to modern society most of them are so desensitized they wouldn't find Linda Blair in full Exorcist gear in the middle of the night scary. Don't assume that because Billy saw a Pokemon fly he'll jump off the roof  even though Unknown Child #1 did so 50 sum years ago.